struggles

I often ask myself 'why is life so hard?'. I know God has a plan for each and everyone of us but why challenge me so much? Or so it seems sometimes and this is one of those times. We each make decisions at which we think are the best at the time. Some are good and work out in the end and some just blow up in your face like a bomb.

I made the decision 6 1/2 years ago to leave a very secure job in order to be home for my family. In the last 6 years I have brought other peoples children into my home to supplement income. My house was very chaotic for these years, so much so that it was hurting my relationship with my husband. All the while he stuck by me with this decision making only few remarks here and there about wanting his home back. So last September I made another decision to stop watching the kids and give him his home. Here lies the problem.....

Money! I am deeply feeling that I have created a situation within our home that can only be reversed by going back to work full time. Don't worry, we will survive and my husband tells me that we will get through this but I am afraid it will be at a price. I feel so much comfort knowing that I am home for my kids before and after school. In my heart I feel that these decisions have not been made in vain but in necessity. I have been available for family and friends in times of need. I have made a home comfortable so that when my husband comes home he can relax (most of the time anyway). I have taken on not just the inside of the home but the outside too! I love this job!

I am hoping that come September I will be placed in a permanent school (as a lunchlady) and it will bring in enough income to keep us going and still let me be here for my kids. I know these struggles are only temporary but that doesn't make it any easier. I am open to suggestions if you have any. Or heck, money if you have that! hee hee just trying to keep it light! Who knows, maybe after this summer with the kids I will be ready for full time work! :)