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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

what to think...

its hard to imagine life without my husband. when i think about it i get really scared and insecure. i know that i am a strong woman who could take on challenges but the comfort and love i have often makes me feel lost. after 15 years of being together one would think that there is a feeling of security, but sometimes i don't have that security blanket. i feel that i am not offering my husband what he needs to be happy therefore he turns to other things for that. how can i get over it and deal with this like an adult without sounding like a parent? i wish i knew. how come he can't think rationally about this? i guess what i am really asking is what can the computer offer that i can't? i know many people feel the same way i do, i just don't know how they get through it. we have two kids, boys at that. what kind of example is he setting? what does he say about relationships, love and the reality of it. i am so afraid that he is normalizing this in his boys eyes. internet porn/disgust is not reality. is this one of the many challenges i face because his dad was not around to be a good example? many times i get sooo mad at his dad for the lack of parenting and how it trickles down but at the same time my husband is an adult and needs to be accountable for his actions. he knows right from wrong! well i hope to work this out. i am not saying that i am going to leave my husband but in many ways i feel as though he's not here.

1 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

First of all, I think it was very brave of you to post this here. Being truly honest on a blog is a difficult thing that many people just don't do, and I am just learning to do. You are sharing your most personal thoughts and feelings with strangers and family (and sometimes the latter can be the hardest).

I know that this situation has been going on for years now. It'd hard to say the effect it will have on the boys at this point. I know exactly what you mean about the "trickling effect". In fact, I made a comment the other day to someone about being thankful that at least Alex had an active, loving father growing up. I think his parents shaped him into a decent person and that he'll be a great dad someday. I think Uncle Aaron is a great dad too...that he wants to be. It's always important to continue to grow. I know that he loves you and the boys.

The internet/computer...porn, gaming, etc. It's a very difficult competitor in today's society. In today's marriages- as a few of us in the family know. ;) I know you've talked to him about this so suggesting that wouldn't help (most likely). I don't really have an idea as the "right" way to go about resolving this specific issue. "They" do try to explain it away.

Alex and I have compromised in this area a lot. You know how he was! Very selfish, when we were first together. He plays less mostly because he has a job! haha... but when he's not at work, he's gaming. It's okay most of the time because I'm nearby and often on my own computer or crafting/creating and not really wanting to be bothered anyway. My big problem comes when I need help around the house... but you know, we all have issues with things, right? :)

I hope there is change or you're able to become at peace with some sort of compromise. (sorry for the novel)

10:34 AM  

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